Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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