Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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