Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
