Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
