I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
