its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
