she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
