So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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