I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
