vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We are all done wearing pants today
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
