i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
