i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
