Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
