I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
