the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
