Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
