plz talk dirty to me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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