I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
