Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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