If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
