just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
