pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
