He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
