His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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