I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we're so committed to being not committed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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