I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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