In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
