I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
