why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
