I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
