Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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