your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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