she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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