She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
