Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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