No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
