If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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