I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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