Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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