i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
