Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
