fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
