i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I die, sorry about rent.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
