i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
