Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
