spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
