i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
porn star boner night. come get it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
