It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
