Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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