it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
