Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she smelled like a LAN party
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
