Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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