Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
