I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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